Sex & Surf

Een aantal maanden geleden ontving ik het verhaal 'Surf & Sex' van een hele bijzondere vrouw. Met een traan en een lach las ik haar verhaal. Ik herkende mezelf erin en hoe ik als twintiger liefde en seks, gaf mezelf weg, ging mijn eigen grenzen over. Iets dat ik pas achteraf kon constateren. An ugly truth lots of us are familiair with. We hebben allemaal ons eigen verhaal als het om seksualiteit. #noshame Ik ben zo mega trots op deze vrouw en hoeveel ze in twee sessies tijd heeft weten te shiften! Ze staat nu zo mega in haar kracht, ze luistert naar haar lichaam, geeft haar grenzen aan en de angel is uit de schaamte. En als laatste puzzelstukje van haar heling en het inluiden van het nieuwe hoofdstuk mag dit verhaal gedeeld worden met jou! 


SURF & SEX
I decided to go to a surf camp, to learn how to surf and get fit you know like those hot surfer chicks with really nice bums and nice hair. I would just eat salad, get up early for runs and watch the sunrise. Do some yoga while I'm there and have an acai bowl in the morning. Telling myself I'm not that girl anymore that just eats like there is not enough (I mean there are 109 people that need to eat too) and flirts with the surfer boys.

NOT THAT FLIRTY 19 YEAR OLD GIRL
So I tell myself I'm not there to look at those fit surfer instructors with their cute accents and blond hair. On our way in the train, I feel confident I got this the boys that are taking us to the camp are not that hot and just making sexist jokes that I don't find funny at all. I end up going for a surf having dinner (way more than just that salad) and getting a case of ciders. I tell my friend I'm not that flirty 19 year old any more after looking at myself in the mirror. Big pimple under my chin, sweating everywhere (yes also above my lip) and having red eyes because of the sun.

LAUGHING AND BANTER
I don't feel sexy at all and don't feel like putting in an effort to show those boys I'm pretty/funny and sexy enough to kiss. The night continues and I have about 5 or 6 ciders, the boys are cracking up jokes and I can't help myself not to. A few of the lads are appreciating my banter and I'm enjoying them laughing at my jokes, I mean who wouldn't, normally I'm the only one laughing.

HE JUST WANTS TO F*CK
I get along with this boy from England who is cute looking and with his tattoos and a good sense of style he is as I like to say right up my alley. He talks about me being the one and saying that he'll take me home and his mum would love me! The romantic (based on American romcoms) in me pictures me flying home with him and meeting his mum. I can't turn off this thought in my head and it happens without me really realizing it. I enjoy having fun and he is a good kisser too now I found out. But it's all laughs and jokes right cause we all know he just wants to fuck.

I LIKE PAIN
It goes through my head but gets pushed away by the lust and the feeling of being wanted. We go off to the beach being all flirty and cute. I now tell myself I get to be my crazy self by dancing against poles and running around with my dress up. I love that feeling of knowing that it is driving him crazy and hopefully turning him on it's this sexual power we have on man and oh how I love it. We get down to the beach and start making out very sensually. He bites my lip very hard a few times I and I tell him it hurts, I say I like pain to show him I'm into rough sex. Cause like that's what boys want right a crazy chick that likes crazy sex.

I MISSED A PILL
As we are on the beach driving each other crazy I realize I'm on my period and keep his hand away from my vagina telling him I don't like the sand.. this smart boy finds a solution and tells me we should have a shower together. As we walk back we get so horny we are on the floor all over again and decide to get back to the camp very soon now. I take out my tampon and meet him at the shower. The sex is good and as he is going down on me the blood marks are on the wall. I try to splash them away and tell myself to not worry about it and enjoy it. He comes inside me and I realize I have missed a pill start of strip and in week 3.

WHERE IS THE CHEMIST?
We are now walking back for a cigaret and he decides to sit on the chair most far away from me. Cause showing any affection after the sex I guess is a no go for this bloke. I ask him where the nearest chemist is as I probably need a morning after pill, he laughs and tells me that is my responsibility. I'm shocked and hurt and tell him I will ring him in nine months to see whose responsibility it is then. He laughs again telling me his name is Jonny from England and wishes me good luck with finding him. Instead of telling him off for being so rude I joke that's fine I'll send him the abortion bill.

I WANT CHILDEREN
As these words come out of my mind it hurts my heart knowing that I want children very badly and I let myself down talking about it like that. Making it look easy and worth nothing.. he tells me he is tired from having sex and wants to go to bed. That's where my feelings get hurt again, he has fucked me and wants to go to bed. No cuddling or more cute talking or jokes that was it. I'm writing this as soon as I get back to my room trying to understand what happened and what makes me feels this way as I'm sitting on the veranda I google chemists nearby and research if it's ok forgetting the pill in those weeks. I decide to go there tomorrow and let it all behind me.

I'M OK
I'm making sure I'm ok and not feeling worth any less just because like that guy I was horny and wanted to have sex..   
 

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